By Anais Nin
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Additional resources for The Diary of Anais Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934
No one will know where to look for him for he hides his two faces from all. There are times when he is still asleep in some unknown hotel with an unknown woman when he should be at his office, and other times when he is working late at his office, while his friends are waiting for him at the Café du Dôme. He has two recurrent monologues. One is patterned after a trial for plagiarism. It seems that a great many people have copied his novels, his plays, and his ideas. He is preparing a long brief to sue them.
I would fall asleep for a while and then see images on the screen, and I could not tell the difference between the film and a dream. I saw my wife, June, as she looked when she announced to me one morning in New York: 'You always wanted to go to Paris and become a writer, well, I have the money. But I can't go with you. ' The story on the screen was about a woman who lied, she lied, and damn it, she made the lie come true. She wanted to become an actress so she invented that she had a love affair with the best known of all the actors, and publicized it so well, in such heightened colors, that the actor himself came to confront her.
He was never concerned about the identity or individuality of his women, but because June would not acknowledge any, he began to search for one. Why did she fix his attention? Did she have a more voluptuous body, a more penetrating voice, a more dazzling smile than other women? He paints her in his novel in opulent colors. I wonder if it is not so much that June hides a great deal from him, but that he fails to see what is there, as I begin to see a June who does not baffle me. Perhaps when she talks so much about the others who love her, it is not to conceal whether she loves them or not, but because this is what interests her.